More illustrations..

I'm away from home at the moment but brought with me a list of illustrations. These are for chapbook three : Map.

Here are the first two:

A crisis of confidence

I have these regularly and they are part of being a person who makes things. Sometimes the things you make turn out to be rubbish, sometimes you don't make them because you think they might be rubbish and sometimes - thank goodness - the things you make aren't rubbish. 

When people ask what you do for a living, and ask if you make any money out of it - that's when confidence starts to crack and tumble to the floor. And when you hear about other peoples' success or publication - it shouldn't be worrying, but it is. Mortgages - they make me worry. A future in writing -don't be ridiculous!


But daft as it sounds - and it does sound daft to me - I have to do it. I have to make things - it's what I do. And although I'd love to make money from writing one day, I'd love to get 'spotted,' I'm not in a hurry and perhaps I'm not good enough yet.


Still, slow and steady wins the race, doesn't she? I am very slow - not sure about steady - but 50% isn't bad. And what race am I trying to win, anyway? I'm not sure.

First draft - hope it's not rubbish!

I have been poorly this week, but laryngitis doesn't stop you writing, just talking, so I have finally plucked up the courage to create a first draft of my third chapbook, Map. I'm a bit worried it's going to be rubbish, and it might be...but you can be the judge of that (when I finish it).

1st illustration from Map

Pulling Teeth - a guest post from Elise Newman

Thanks, Debbie, for making space on your lovely blog for the ridiculous musings of this short Canadian would-be playwright, director, and vagabond.

I have a hard time saying “I’m a writer” when someone asks the dreaded “And what do you do?” question. It never comes out without a bit of waffling and mumbled “sort of” and “one day” and “I try to be...”

It might come off as obnoxious self-deprecation, but it’s seriously difficult to claim “I’m a writer” when most of my day is full of non-writing. When Debbie suggested we swap blog posts, she thought I could write something about my process. At the moment, my process isn’t really working out, seeing as I’m spending my days finding excuses not to write.

I love having written. The actual writing of it is sometimes like pulling teeth.

When I do decide to pull teeth, my writing process goes something like this:

1) An image, sentence, or character gets lodged in my imagination.

2) It grows, swims around, and hatches in my head.

3) I sit down and write random thoughts, scenes, dialogue, and images all the while trying not to think too much. This step rarely happens without a deadline.

4) I try not to censor myself as I write. This is my biggest challenge.

5) I eat a lot of chocolate, drink a lot of coffee, and stay in my pyjamas as much as possible.

6) I write nonsense by hand, rewrite it as I type it on the computer, doodle, read it out loud, print it, mark it up, rewrite it, get depressed because it’s terrible, organise my pencils, sleep, read it again, find something ok in it, rewrite it, send it to a friend, get an ego boost from their comments and a reality check from their criticism. Rewrite it.

7) Realise it’s not perfect, but save the document with a final-seeming title anyway.

8) The process usually takes a long long time. Years, even, if you count all that percolating of ideas (steps one and two).

These days, I’m letting things block my process at step 3. I have ideas. I have images and characters and situations in my head. I’m just too lazy (or afraid) to sit down and write. But I’ll get right down to it, now that I’ve admitted it publicly.

But I do have very valid excuses why I just don’t have time to write at the moment:

-I have to read this book/blog/cereal box first- it’s research! (Sometimes it’s time to put the research away and write what you think you know. And fix the facts later.) -I don’t have a good place to write- my desk is too messy (there are several adorable coffee shops around as well as a kitchen table, and the library).

-I need to clean my desk, my room, the bathroom, and reorganize my spice rack before I can even think about writing (if you can live in the mess, you should be able to write in the mess)

-I should finish this thing that actually pays me money before I spend time on writing (there will always be something that needs to be done)

-Let me just Google writing contests, grants, and residencies to get motivated

-Parks and Recreation is on. 

Me, actually writing.

If you'd like to peruse Elise's blog, Around the world in 80 plays, please do - it's funny, honest and takes you to places you've never been!

Practice makes....improvement.

After my last post, I have been back to the drawing board (and the writing board). I had to scrap the idea of using that old story - I couldn't make it work.

What made me scrap it was a new and much more interesting idea that has been floating around in my head for the last few years. I was struck by many things at Grayson Perry's, 'The Tomb of the Unknown Craftsman' exhibition at the British Museum, but two sets of items particularly triggered the idea for my third chapbook. First were Perry's vases, (one is pictured below). Another vase called 'The Frivolous Now,' contained images, ideas, phrases and words from the day it was designed - the images compose a cross between a collage of ideas and a map.

The Rosetta Vase, 2011
Grayson Perry
Glazed ceramic

Second was Perry's caption about maps:

We trust maps. Maps are meant to be a trustworthy diagram of reality. All maps though, contain some very human bias. They can emphasise desirable features and leave out the undesirable.

- Grayson Perry, The Tomb of the Unknown Craftsman,
British Museum Exhibition, 2012

 I have put images with my words in my first two chapbooks, but this time, I'm going to mix the two in such a way that the story won't really work without the pictures (perhaps a bit risky). It will be a kind of map. 

I have had to try and draw faces this time, which I have never ever been good at. Why not look at this one and see what you think? A lot of ink and paper has been used in the making of this image...

Sketch for 'Chapbook Three,'
Feb 2012

"Draw large and startling figures."

“When you can assume that your audience holds the same beliefs as you do, you can relax a little and use morenormal means of talking to it; when you have to assume that it does not, thenyou have to make your vision apparent by shock, to the hard of hearing you shout, and for the almost-blind, you draw large and startling figures.” - Flannery O'Connor

I was challenged this week to answer some questions about my second chapbook, Swallow. I think the word 'challenge' is over-used, but what I mean is that I found the questions difficult to answer. I remember a workshop at UEA when a story of mine was being discussed and someone made an assumption about it that I felt was completely wrong. I said 'well you're not reading it properly' or something along those lines. My worthy (and correct) opponent, colleague, critic and friend said 'no, you haven't written it properly.' The words stung, because they were true. 

As a writer who is subtle at best and vague at worst, I am often reminded by my readers that I need to work on clarity (see quotation from Joseph Pulitzer from my first post). I like to try and show my stories to a range of people, to see if they 'get' them. I think when people describe your work as 'interesting,' with no further elucidation you can safely assume they didn't know what to make of it or they didn't like it and don't want to hurt your feelings - that's always a risk and fair play if they just don't like it.

But this week my questions were genuine and came from a someone who really wanted to know and understand. I tend to think of myself as not very clever - so it is very hard for me to accept that my work is 'subtle.' To me it is completely clear, easy to understand and sometimes even clunky and obvious. It was drummed into me to show not tell, so I fear that I run the risk of not even showing sometimes. Interestingly the questions were about plot. I don't really rate plot highly when I make up a story. I suppose I write as if I'm painting a picture, instead of travelling from A to B. But I am far more disciplined than I was, because nowadays I like to finish stories and not just start them (see post about being grown-up). So I tend to have an idea what will happen before I start writing. The problem is that not much does actually happen. It's all blinks and gestures and one or two words.

So with regards to O'Connor's words above - I think 'beliefs' can be read as much broader than just religious beliefs - I need to get on with making the 'large and startling figures.'

With regards to the questions, I will do my best to answer them!

________________________

This week I have been taking a leaf out of Michael Nobbs' book and doing just 20 minutes worth of writing at a time. The kitchen timer I got for Christmas really concentrates the mind and makes me think faster. I have made a start, therefore, with chapbook three and have done a few squiggles which will hopefully turn into illustrations one day.

Create a sense of momentum

I stumbled on Sustainably Creative last night - thought you might be interested...

I have only scratched the surface of the blog, but I found this post particularly inspiring. 

20 Things you can do in 20 minutes (and create a sense of momentum).

Last night I wrote for 20 minutes with good old pencil and paper.